Just one day at a time...

One day at a time.

Sometimes it has to be one hour or even one moment at a time.

I am working through some pretty heavy stuff.

Therapy saves my soul from the demons that live in my mind.

Sometimes words are louder than the faith I know I have.

I have had to find that faith on a daily basis.

I have been trying to remember why I believe what I do. 

I came across this talk from the April 2013 Conference from Elder Holland.

He reminded me that all I have to do is first believe.

"Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe." Elder Holland

I have been told that it took years for my abuse to happen, fixing it won't happen overnight. 

Finding the faith I have to keep fighting is a daily process. 

I believe that things will get better.

 I believe that I am not who he said I was.

I believe that I can rise above all of this and be happier than I ever have been.

I believe.

Here's to getting stronger

The thing about life is that you never know how it's going to go. You can't control it, but often times it changes you into someone you don't recognize. 

Life threw me a curve ball that I was totally not prepared for. It knocked me down

so hard that I didn't know who I was and felt like I would be stuck that way for the rest of my life.

I was so scared.

I have never been in such a debilitating place in my whole life. 

He knocked me down and kept kicking until he felt like he had the control he wanted.

He knew what words to use to cut me in ways I've never experienced before.

Slowly I started to believe the words he said.

I couldn't change anything. When I spoke up I would get knocked down even harder.

Then it started to take a toll on me health wise. I couldn't get out of bed or take care of my kids.

He was the only person I could rely on.

I was being smothered and couldn't catch my breath.

I lost my faith.

I didn't understand why my Heavenly Father would put me back into a situation that was worse than the one I got us out of before. 

I prayed so hard before I took that leap back into love.

I knew that it was right.

I still know that he could have been my eternity.

Heavenly Father gave him opportunities to change and be different. 

Our eternity depended on how we followed the path the Lord gave us.

I forgot that and was so angry at God.

What happened to me emotionally wasn't my fault.

I am not worthless or hopeless.

My worth is great. 

The Lord understands that what happened to me and my children was so hard.

I had to find Jennifer again.

She got lost in the shuffle of things.

I am slowly climbing my way out of a hole that was created by someone else.

I am slowly feeling stronger.

I know the Lord is on my side. I am not longer angry at him.

The Lord is on my side and is willing to carry me if I need him to.

He is very forgiving and wants us to call on him when we feel like we can't do it anymore.

He will be there.

Not every day will be great.

Small steps lead to great successes.

 I am getting stronger.

I can do hard things!

Us...

The last few months have been crazy hard.
I am a stronger Jennifer that's for sure.

My calling in life is to be a mother.

Sometimes it's really hard...

Then I look at those faces and know it's all worth it.

Every tear..

I love us...

Bouncing Back

Getting back to being mobile would be much easier if he would cooperate.

He is to smart for his own good.

Hearing the sound of ripping Velcro at 2am is kind of amusing...sort of.

Girls time

I recently started taking this cute girl out on mommy daughter dates.

It has been so fun to talk and see the world through her eyes.

I sure do love her!

Baby Steps...

Hip surgery... BLAH! (Hopefully never again!)

No one warned me...

I thought I was prepared.

I wasn't prepared.... I HAVE to feel prepared.

Zach is a different boy... Physically and Mentally.

The come back process is very slow.

He is doing GREAT, but frustrated with the slowness.

We are taking baby steps.  LITTLE baby steps.

Every day is a new set of baby steps.

Defending....

This is my life's theme right now.

Sometimes music says it better than I can.

I am strong. YOU have made me strong. What your doing isn't scaring me because I am no longer afraid of you.

Little steps

I am so proud of my Zachy. I am such a proud momma.

We have a long way to go, but I'm beyond happy with the little steps he is making.

Go Zach!

Freedom!

The title says it all!
We still have a few days of stuff muscles, but we are free!

*tears*

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day!

I sure as heck hope it is....

Zach Said it best "get these darn things off me"

A thankful heart

I am sitting here listening to a snoring Zachary.

Its been almost 6 Weeks since his surgery. He is finally getting sick of just laying around.

To be honest, mom is too....

we see the Doctor again in a week and there is word that we will be cast free! Woohoo!  I can't wait! 

I am jumping into a new phase of my life.

I am peaceful...most of the time...

Right now the fear has set in...

I am so tired of fighting for things I shouldn't have to fight for.

Some day's Suck!

Some day's I want to punch people. 

Some times I just want to sit people down and shake them and 

say "Look what your actions have done!!"

Most days I am so grateful for the trials in my life that have helped me raise my children.

Most days I have to take a deep breath and pray that I am doing the right things with my kids.

Sometimes I have to cry because I feel helpless.

Everyday I pray.

I pray.

and I pray.

Everyday I pray that my kids won't be scarred by the things that have happened to them in their lives.

Everyday I give my children Love.

All the Love I have.

This leaves no room for anyone else to come into my life.

I am okay with that.

Most days.

I ADORE my beautiful children. 

Someday's I just need a reminder that it will all pass and I will stop hurting from all the pain 

that was caused by others. 

Someday...

School!!

Aah.... School days are back!

I am so excited to have the kids in school again

I am also kinda bummed and lonely.. 

Zach started KINDERGARTEN!!

I know... I can't believe it either!

He was nervous the first day and there was a lot of bus drama

but he LOVES it! I am so happy about his teacher and aide's.

They love him and, once again, has them wrapped around his fingers!

 Miss Emily is in 1st grade! She LOVES it. 

She is most excited about staying all day AND eating lunch there. 

She thinks that it's so awesome being able to pick what she wants to eat, because I can't tell her no!

I love her and am SO proud of her. She is reading now at a 3rd grade level. It's nice having her read to me. 

Hello!!

It looks like i'm back!! I am so excited to have my "outlet" back. I have missed sharing the amazing things that have we have been blessed with. The good AND the bad. 
Okay...
Today I am going to just write 5 things I am thankful for. I need to do this today to remind myself that things in life are simple. Sometimes the world makes things so complex and if the world would just stop, take a step back and take a deep breath I think a lot of the problems we have would a more peaceful place to live. 

1. The Gospel. There is so much I want to say with this. I have been stuck for the last 10 min trying to word my thoughts and feelings the best way... It all seems to be jumbled when i try to type it.
I have had my share of doubt and made mistakes in my life. Looking back I have noticed that the times in my life that I am the happiest are when I have faith in the gospel, my Heavenly Father, and in Jesus Christ. The Gospel has been the ONLY constant thing in my life. People and friends come and go.. trials come and go. The Lord understands the things going on. I can say he has held me and my family in the palm of his hand many many times. He does love us and wants to help if we ask. 


2. My Family. I love that we all have our own unique personalities. We have been through a lot together. My Mom has been such a great example to my over the years. She is amazing and SOO FUNNY!!! My Brothers and Sisters are people who are kind, Loving, Excepting, funny and brilliant. Things are so much fun when we are all together!


3.Emily and Zachary. When I watch them I get this sense of peace. When I think about them and the things the 3 of us have endured I know without a shadow of doubt that Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ are real and love and protect us. I have watched the Heavens open as angels have surrounded my Son. I have watched the Lords arms wrap around us as we have struggled with life, death, Pain, sorrow, and joy. They are MY miracles. I love them so much.  



4.My Home. I am so happy with where we live. It is small and gets cluttered really fast, but it is exactly where i am suppose to be.


5. Forgiveness. 




2.

Make-A-Wish....

I finally found more than half a second to do this...

Seriously this trip was MAGICAL!!

Zach keeps asking to go back to Florida.. He loved every minute if it... 

Here are some of my favorite Pictures. Enjoy!

Magic Kingdom

Zach's favorite ride was Aladdin Carpet ride. We went on it like 6 times.

Emily was in heaven. She still talks about meeting Snow White.

Zach did not take his eyes off Mickey.

Donald..

Love this pic.

Hello, what's your name? Donald Duck...I'm Bubba it nice to meet you!

Such a COOL building

This was  by far my MOST favorite day... I want to go back...

Good Bye Disney World

Away to long

What have we been up too?? Yes, life has been crazy, BUT we have had some grand adventures.

First off we finally moved! I LOVE our new place. It has the most peaceful feeling. Em and Z love it too. It's the perfect place for us.

1 week after we moved we were given a gift of a lifetime. Make a wish sent us to FLORIDA! We stayed at an amazing Villa and went to a few amazing places. I will make a post about our trip later. I wish I could post a picture to help you guess. My phone won't let me though...

Things have been pretty crazy around here. We had a great time on our "vacation". We love price and like just being away from reality for a bit. We had a bunch of appointments last week, to many.

Zach finally got his lift! Woohoo! It is a back saver for me! He loves it so much! It's nice to have it. We don't use it much right now, lack of stairs and stairs prevent that from happening.

We are currently looking for a new place to live. We are looking for a rambler. No stairs (unless they are to the basement that holds the laundry). I am excited to move! It's nice to be able to do things on MY terms. There was a purpose in living in this house. Now it's time to move forward! Yay!

Things are happy right now. I just have to get over this cold!

Vacation (sort of)

I have blogged about this place before. It truly does feel like a home away from home.

I am sure my Dad is happy that we use their home as a "vacation home."

It does feel like home here. We have started a tradition in my 3 member little family. After major events we retreat to price. I don't know why we do it, but it always happens.

It is a nice place to just be and relax. It's quiet and serene. There is no smog or loud jets flying over head. Every where you look it mountains.

I know most people don't like the drive down (hwy 6 is super scary), but I LOVE it. I think that's the part that calms me down. There is nothing like the mountains. We don't have to do anything here. I don't know why it's so relaxing to me.

Anyway, I digress, We are here and I am currently listening to my sweet Emily singing karaoke. Christmas karaoke, oy ve, I have heard the Batman version of Jingle bells a hundred times and apparently Robin changed his name to Robert.   

Don't forget the classic, Joy to the world. Listening to my almost 6 year old singing about watching her dead teacher spinning around the toilet, awesome! *sigh*

This is my life... I love it.

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Karen!! We love it here!!!

Fun pictures!

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Enjoy!

 He is my little gangsta!


 Beautiful!

 
 My Princess!