Wednesday, April 12, 2017
One day at a time.
Sometimes it has to be one hour or even one moment at a time.
I am working through some pretty heavy stuff.
Therapy saves my soul from the demons that live in my mind.
Sometimes words are louder than the faith I know I have.
I have had to find that faith on a daily basis.
I have been trying to remember why I believe what I do.
I came across this talk from the April 2013 Conference from Elder Holland.
He reminded me that all I have to do is first believe.
"Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe." Elder Holland
I have been told that it took years for my abuse to happen, fixing it won't happen overnight.
Finding the faith I have to keep fighting is a daily process.
I believe that things will get better.
I believe that I am not who he said I was.
I believe that I can rise above all of this and be happier than I ever have been.
Thursday, April 6, 2017
The thing about life is that you never know how it's going to go. You can't control it, but often times it changes you into someone you don't recognize.
Life threw me a curve ball that I was totally not prepared for. It knocked me down
so hard that I didn't know who I was and felt like I would be stuck that way for the rest of my life.
I was so scared.
I have never been in such a debilitating place in my whole life.
He knocked me down and kept kicking until he felt like he had the control he wanted.
He knew what words to use to cut me in ways I've never experienced before.
Slowly I started to believe the words he said.
I couldn't change anything. When I spoke up I would get knocked down even harder.
Then it started to take a toll on me health wise. I couldn't get out of bed or take care of my kids.
He was the only person I could rely on.
I was being smothered and couldn't catch my breath.
I lost my faith.
I didn't understand why my Heavenly Father would put me back into a situation that was worse than the one I got us out of before.
I prayed so hard before I took that leap back into love.
I knew that it was right.
I still know that he could have been my eternity.
Heavenly Father gave him opportunities to change and be different.
Our eternity depended on how we followed the path the Lord gave us.
I forgot that and was so angry at God.
What happened to me emotionally wasn't my fault.
I am not worthless or hopeless.
My worth is great.
The Lord understands that what happened to me and my children was so hard.
I had to find Jennifer again.
She got lost in the shuffle of things.
I am slowly climbing my way out of a hole that was created by someone else.
I am slowly feeling stronger.
I know the Lord is on my side. I am not longer angry at him.
The Lord is on my side and is willing to carry me if I need him to.
He is very forgiving and wants us to call on him when we feel like we can't do it anymore.
He will be there.
Not every day will be great.
Small steps lead to great successes.
I am getting stronger.
I can do hard things!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Hip surgery... BLAH! (Hopefully never again!)
No one warned me...
I thought I was prepared.
I wasn't prepared.... I HAVE to feel prepared.
Zach is a different boy... Physically and Mentally.
The come back process is very slow.
He is doing GREAT, but frustrated with the slowness.
We are taking baby steps. LITTLE baby steps.
Every day is a new set of baby steps.