I have had a few days to internalize the information I was given this weekend.
I seem to be really good at going through the stages of grief.
Right now I am mourning the loss of the little boy I have right now.
I do know that the decisions I have made in his life were the right ones.
It was not a easy choice to alter his body the way we are.
I do know that without this surgery he will only be with us for another year or two at the MOST!
Zach's mission on earth is not over.
My life is changing. Everything that I am comfortable with is leaving.
Everything that I know has to be change. It has to change TODAY!
I don't like that kind of change. I like to have time to work things out.
Change that comes in small pieces is great. Closing my "book" forever and starting over is scary.
I am still amazed by the trust the Lord has in me to take care of this miracle.
I have really started to wonder what I have done to be blessed with all of this. Why did he chose me?
I am ready (sort of) to take this on.
So for right now I will buy some sweet new pens and take this new book, write my name on the inside cover, and begin with Chapter 1.
What a great outlook to start with Jenn.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure on the details of what is happening with Z, but I can certainly tell that things are changing. I wish you all the very best, and I know you can and will be guided in your decisions.
Good luck and keep us posted.
And so it begins. The road my turn and the journey may change but those you journey with are still there with you. We will support you always. This IS very scary but you know and we know that this is right and will be better for Zach in the long run. Love you!
ReplyDeleteAlthough My Family and I are on the other side of the country; we are always with you, Emily and Zach; through prayer and thoughts. There hasn't been a day where You and Your Family haven't been with Us.
ReplyDeleteWe see you as the wonderful person, that has been given two very precious blessings in your Life.
We stand strong and firm behind you, and we'll be there to walk with you or carry you when you feel that you can go no farther.
We Love You, Emily and Zach! <3
- Your TN Family