The sound of silence...

We are home. It is wonderful.

For me, however, being home brings with it fear, anxiety, worry, silence, and more often than not tears.

I can hear people thinking, but Jenn your home! You are in your own space, no noise, no one bugging you ever 4 hours to take vitals or make a poop check.

All that is true. I feel the same way. I AM happy to have those things again. But those things are GONE!

I have sever Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is under control 90% of the time. The other 10% can be SO debilitating.

I am on alert 24/7.

It's the morning now. I fell asleep while typing this post. Haha.

The night was really hard. Zach woke up at least. 4 times in a lot of pain. He had thrown up a few times and I was SO worried. After giving back the meds I had just gave him, I called our neurosergon. He gave me reassurance that because he didn't have any other symptoms he was okay.

I did okay for the most part. There was the one part where I woke up to him having gotten out of his bed and was trying to join me in mine!

I asked what he was doing. He said, I dettin out a bed. Mom I need you. After getting him settled in his spot, he would either ask to hold my hand or put his hand on my face. He had to hold some part of me the whole night. I have never seen him like this before.

I am watching him now fighting to make the pain go away. He keeps asking for me to sit by him.

This a new place for me right now. I am SO happy that we are home. It's nice to have my own bed, bathroom, tv and kitchen! I just wish I had a soda fountain and an ice machine. That would be Awesome!!!